


i'll be better than i was before, despite every text of yours ignored.

by KAHULAYAW



Series: The Caerulum Universe [2]
Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gang World, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - School, Arguing, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Busy Na Jaemin, College, Cute, Cute Ending, Cutesy, Denial of Feelings, Domestic Boyfriends, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Endearments, Eventual Happy Ending, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Gangs, Gangsters, Happy Ending, Home, Home Alone, How Do I Tag, Huang Ren Jun is Whipped, Huang Ren Jun-centric, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Na Jaemin, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Na Jaemin-centric, Nicknames, Please read, Random & Short, Resolved Argument, Romantic Fluff, School, Short, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Soft Huang Ren Jun, Soft Na Jaemin, Stairs, The Caerulum Wolves - Freeform, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, True Love, Upset Huang Ren Jun, but like, not in the pining way, not the movie jhdjshk, slight?? omgosh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23542528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KAHULAYAW/pseuds/KAHULAYAW
Summary: Renjun can be upset, right? It's okay for Renjun to be feeling this way, right? If his boyfriend had forgotten about him for the entire day, his negative feelings are valid, right? Maybe not. He should stop thinking like this. Jaemin is busy, and Renjun understands that. Still, he can't help feeling upset. Is that okay? Is it? Maybe. Or maybe not?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Series: The Caerulum Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694245
Comments: 2
Kudos: 72





	i'll be better than i was before, despite every text of yours ignored.

**Author's Note:**

> the summary is fucking lame but i fucking suck at summaries so thankyou for clicking onto this work even with the stupid summary i fucking hate it!! also, welcome to the second installment of the caerulum universe! please enjoy!! you don't have to read the first one but ,, that's cute too so ,,,,, ahaha ,
> 
> if you're filipino, this is basically just renjun being toyo and jaemin making suyo sdhsjhks for the non - filipino speakers i'm so sorry but i have no idea how to explain it in english
> 
> the title is a song lyric from jeremy zucker's [always, i'll care!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6SQ9QoSjCI)

The ringtone for Jaemin's number sounds, and Renjun looks blankly at it, letting it ring and vibrate against the bed five times before answering. He doesn't really want to talk to Jaemin right now. He puts the phone to his ear, sighing.

'Hey, Injunie!'

Renjun sighs, harder. He frowns a little. "Yes? Why did you call?"

It's quiet for a few seconds. 'Are you home?' The energy in Jaemin's voice has depleted, and Renjun feels a bit bad about it.

"Yes. Why did you call?" Renjun repeats.

'Uhm, can I come over?' Jaemin sounds so shy now. Renjun knows it's because he doesn't usually get into this type of mood which in turn means that Jaemin doesn't know how to adapt.

"If you want to." Renjun doesn't mean for his voice to sound so nonchalant and unaffected, but it's what he feels right now. "Why did you call?"

'Because I miss you, and I want to see you, Injunie. I'll be there in five minutes, okay?'

Renjun shrugs. He can't even muster up the energy to feel excited about Jaemin coming over or to feel giddy about Jaemin missing him and wanting to see him. "It's up to you."

'Okay. I love you, Injunie. See you in a bit.'

"Okay. Bye." Renjun promptly ends the call.

He sighs, again, and lets his arm flop back on the bed, his phone bouncing off somewhere else. He needs to open the door for Jaemin. It's nice, he guesses, that he and Jaemin can hang out here in the entire house and not just in his room. His mum won't be home for the rest of the week. Oh, wait. Does Jaemin know that? Damn it. Renjun didn't get to tell him. Then, as a bitter afterthought, he tells himself that it's okay he didn't get to tell Jaemin because Jaemin hasn't talked to him the whole day either. And then Renjun chastises himself because Jaemin has good reason to as he's busy with issues concerning the Wolves. But, Renjun defends, how come even if he's busy and drowning in Sawasdee stuff he always manages to set aside time for Jaemin, or atleast entertain Jaemin while doing his work? Renjun can't think up a counterattack for his own counterattack, so he ends up feeling even more bitter than before.

He begrudgingly gets up from his bed, dragging his feet outside his room. He sighs, feeling too lazy to go downstairs to open the door. Jaemin might be here any minute now. Renjun sits at the top stair, thanking himself and his amazing hindsight for wearing his silk pajamas. He pushes himself off, sliding smoothly down the stairs. He lands on the first floor with a light thud. He sighs again as he stands up to walk over to the door. He twists the lock open and unlinks the bolt lock from its chain. He twists the doorknob to make sure that the door can open, and after confirming that the house is now vulnerable to thieves and other criminals, he goes back upstairs. He suddenly feels an insane amount of stupidity when he finally remembers, though he for some reason does not know how he even forgot, that Jaemin never goes through the front door and that he always enters through Renjun's bedroom window. He pauses his movements to go upstairs, right in the middle, not having enough energy and mood to go back to his room. He gives up completely and just lies down right there.

Renjun crosses his arms, unaware that he's pouting. He's just really not feeling it today. He doesn't really want to see Jaemin right now. Maybe tomorrow he'll be okay. He just doesn't appreciate feeling set aside, even though he knows that that wasn't what Jaemin was doing. Renjun still can't help it though, because that's how he feels. Renjun sighs. He shuts down, leaving his awareness of his surroundings to just retreat into his mind. He mellows in his thoughts, forcing himself to be as reasonable as he can. It's really hard to do right now.

"Injunie?" A faint voice.

Renjun recalls his entire day.

"Injunie? Are you in here?" A faint knock from somewhere upstairs.

Today truly was draining. Although no matter how draining any day has been, Renjun had never felt so drained to the point that he couldn't even force himself to be happy to see Jaemin.

"Injunie? Where are you?"

It's a bit sad, really. Renjun doesn't like feeling this way.

"Ah, there you are."

Renjun is snapped out of his thoughts and into the real world when he feels an all - too solid presence beside him. He finally registers that he is crossing his arms very hard, also has been pouting very hard with his eyebrows furrowed very hard, and that there is a slight pain in his back due to the steps digging into his skin. He sees Jaemin sitting beside him. Instead of feeling happy, he only ends up pouting even harder.

Jaemin's puppy grin vanishes in an instant. "Injunie?" He scoots a little away from Renjun to see him clearly.

Renjun avoids eye contact, instead looking at his crossed arms. "Hi." His voice is clipped. He feels so much like a child right now. He can't stop, though.

"Injun? What's wrong?" Jaemin places a hand on Renjun's shoulder.

Not advisable. Renjun shakes Jaemin's hand off. He doesn't say anything.

"Why are you lying down here on the stairs?"

Renjun shrugs, turning away from Jaemin. Wrong move. The stairs dig into his arm and ribs and hips and it's overall just a very bad idea. He doesn't move back to fix it. He's fine like this.

"Renjun? Are you mad at me?" Jaemin's voice is very close to his ear. It makes the hairs rise on the back of his neck.

"No." And it's actually true. He isn't mad.

"Then why are you like that?"

"Because I'm upset." Renjun answers.

"Oh." Jaemin is quiet for a moment. "What did I do, Injunie?"

"Nothing. That's what you did. Nothing."

Jaemin moves, but Renjun doesn't bother looking behind him to see what Jaemin is doing. Suddenly, there's an arm wrapping around his waist. "Can you please explain why me doing nothing is upsetting you so that I can properly apologise?"

Renjun's eyebrows furrow. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth.

Jaemin understands the silence. "I know what you're thinking, Injunie. It's not childish, whatever you're feeling. If it was enough to make you feel this way, then it's not childish. You know you can tell me anything, no matter how unreasonable you think it is." Jaemin assures him.

Renjun relaxes, visibly. "I just felt very unimportant to you today, is all." He admits in a small voice. He feels so, so silly. "I mean," he starts to ramble, trying to save himself from sounding even more childish than he was being, "I know you're busy with the Wolves. You can't help the workload coming in, I understand. I just find it a bit unfair that even though I also get heavy workload from all of my engagements I still manage to make some time to talk to you, but you can't do the same. I felt like I was nobody to you today because you barely talked to me. But I know that you're busy. It's just that I --"

"Injun. I hope you'll allow me to interrupt you because you're just going to repeat yourself again." When Renjun nods slowly, Jaemin continues. "Look, I'm sorry. You're right. I didn't do anything, and that's the problem. I'm so sorry. I really was busy today. I tried to catch up on the school shit I missed yesterday and then I was called to four missions suddenly. I didn't have much access to my phone because I was on the road the whole day." He explains.

Renjun felt himself get redder after every sentence. He felt so ridiculous. "I understand. I'm sorry --"

"But even though I have an excuse which I think is valid enough for my absence, I still am very sorry. I appreciate that you understand my situation, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to get upset. I didn't get to talk to you that much today and I didn't even get to update you, because that was the least I could do. I didn't get to do my part as your boyfriend today. And I'm so sorry about that." Jaemin says. "You don't need to provide excuses for me to yourself, okay? It's okay to get upset. I failed as a boyfriend today and that's really shitty of me."

The air is solemn, but there is understanding flowing between both of them.

"I'm sorry for being upset about you being busy." Renjun finally says.

Jaemin laughs exasperatedly. "Injunie!" He whines, scooting closer to Renjun, tightening his hold on him. "I already said you don't have to be upset! I'm the one at fault, you don't have to apologise for anything!" He kisses the back of Renjun's neck. "And you have a point. I know how busy you can get but you always manage to talk to me. That's --"

"It's because my work isn't as hands - on as yours. I don't have to drive or walk or run to finish a requirement unlike you. You have to put in physical labor in what you do, so ofcourse that means you can't just whip your phone out at any time."

Jaemin whines louder, even going as far as moving his entire body from side to side that even Renjun gets pulled along in the movement. "Injunie," Jaemin says, elongating the vowel sounds. "You don't have to keep on giving yourself reasons to save my ass! I promise it's okay for you to get upset because what I did really was upsetting, okay? It's okay to feel things, it's okay to feel upset. I understand why you're upset so you don't have to force yourself to not be upset. I promise." Jaemin plays with Renjun's hair the way he knows Renjun appreciates.

Renjun only sighs in response.

"I know what you're going to say next." Jaemin pokes Renjun's side. "'I'm still sorry for being upset.' That's what you're going to say, isn' it?" Jaemin teases in a voice that is nowhere near Renjun's voice.

"Well, yeah," Renjun shrugs. His eyebrows involuntarily draw closer.

"Well, again, Injunie, you don't have to be, okay? I swear you're not being unreasonable or whatever you're thinking. You have every right to be upset."

"I really am," is Renjun's quiet reply.

Jaemin smiles. "And that's okay. You should be. I'm really sorry for making you feel like you aren't important to me, Injun. I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't mean to, which is exactly why I'm sorry."

Jaemin frowns. He pinches Renjun. "It's okay to feel upset! Stop that!" He pinches him again. Renjun jerks away from Jaemin's touch. "Why am I the one comforting you when I'm the one who did something wrong? Should it be the other way around?" Jaemin jokes. He feels Renjun shrink into himself, which makes Jaemin hug him even tighter. "Just kidding! But I really am sorry. I promise that I'll put in more effort to make you feel like you matter to me, because you do. You are so important to me, Renjun." Jaemin kisses the back of Renjun's head.

Renjun tentatively turns around to finally face Jaemin. "I am?"

Jaemin's heart clenches painfully at the obvious uncertainty in Renjun's voice. "You are. You are the most important thing in my life. I'm so sorry because I don't make you feel like you are." He caresses Renjun's cheek with one hand. His thumb runs up and down Renjun's cheekbone. "I love you so much, okay? You are so important to me." Jaemin kisses Renjun on the forehead.

"I love you too. So much." Renjun kisses Jaemin's cheek. He moves away, avoiding eye contact. "But I'm sort of still not really in the mood to talk to you. I'm not upset anymore, but I don't have the energy to talk to you."

Jaemin pouts at that. "Okay." He says. "But we're okay?"

Renjun nods. "Ofcourse we are. I love you, Nana."

Jaemin sighs in relief. "That's good. I'm sorry again. We don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I hope it's okay if I lie here beside you."

Renjun smiles. "Ofcourse it's okay. Let's just lie down for a while. I'll talk to you when I'm ready." He looks at Jaemin with the softest eyes. His hand finds Jaemin's and their fingers intertwine.

Jaemin nods, squeezing Renjun's hand in his. "I'll be here, waiting."

They look ridiculous, laying on their backs on the stairs, one wearing pajamas and the other wearing a leather jacket and boots, holding hands and staring at the ceiling, but it's okay. Jaemin will admit it later on, when they're finally comfortable in Renjun's bed, that his back was killing him the whole time they were on the staircase. Renjun will laugh and agree, admitting that his waist was sore. But it's okay. Right now, Renjun still isn't ready to talk, but it's okay. Jaemin will wait for however long Renjun needs to take, and that's okay. That was their little world, confined between their bodies and the staircase.

**Author's Note:**

> quarantine doesn't exist in this universe But it does in the real world! please always wash your hands and drink water and if you can, please always just stay at home but if you Must go out, please wear a face mask!! this quarantine szn is making me write out of so much boredom dsfjsdhks
> 
> i really am super stressed about how the virus and quarantine is being handled here in my country, so if you're filipino, not a dds, and have a twitter account, hit me up and dm me on [mine](https://twitter.com/elmarants) and let's rant to each other!!
> 
> thankyou for reading!
> 
> please check out my other [works!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KAHULAYAW/works)  
> [(twitter)](https://twitter.com/PEACHBERRYNANA)


End file.
